i just don't understand. it's the type of confusion that only God can clarify. (i guess a bit of it could be cleared up by a little communication with an individual, but the time isn't right for that yet.) i'm getting tired of waiting for understanding and i'm running out of patience. (God give me patience and give it to me now. :) ) i'm stressing out about all this stuff and no relief is coming. either God is silent or i'm not listening properly. which is it? how will i know? if i am listening in the wrong way, how should i do it differently? bah...