if only we'd stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time. --edith wharton

today i bought a hard drive for hank - a seagate with 120 gigs for only $50. i needed to buy a power supply as well. with (only a little) urging from ardith, i decided to just buy a case to go with it. and wow, is it a gorgeous case.

i haven't felt this good in weeks.

i don't know about these results...

You Are 30 Years Old

30 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Your Brain is 33.33% Female, 66.67% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening
It's like nothing I can do would distract me when
I think of how I shot myself in the back again
'Cause from the infinite words I could say I
Put all pain you gave to me on display
But didn't realize instead of setting it free I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me

And now
You've become a part of me
You'll always be right here
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear
I can't separate
Myself from what I've done
Giving up a part of me
I've let myself become you

Hearing your name the memories come back again
I remember when it started happening
I see you in every thought I had and then
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them
And I knew as they escaped away
I was committing myself to them and everyday
I regret saying those things cuz now I see that I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me

(Get away from me)
Give me my space back you gotta just (Go)
Everything comes down the memories of (You)
I've kept it in but now I'm letting you (Know)
I let you go so get away from (Me)
Give me my space back you gotta just (Go)
Everything comes down the memories of (You)
I've kept it but now I'm letting you (Know)
I let you go

  --Linkin Park, Figure.09

hehe

i got 4.5 hrs of sleep last night...and woke up at 12.30. i love spring break!! :-d but, for the second time this week, i missed the sunrise. all of a sudden it was light out...

i'm currently listening to the congressional hearing of major league baseball players and their use of steriods. each of the six players says they are commited to stopping the widespread use of steriods in their sport. mark mcguire was asked to discuss the situation surrounding how a performance-enhancing drug (not illegal at the time) was found in his locker a few years ago. when asked direct questions about this, he stated, "i am not here to discuss the past. i'm here to be positive about the future."

ok, let's think about this. these players are idolized by millions of youth in this country. yes, their reputations would be tarnished if they admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs. but c'mon mcguire. at the time, this substance was not considered illegal. i don't understand why he couldn't even admit or discuss this. he has said he is willing to be a spokeman against steriods to youth, but is not willing to discuss the mistakes he made in the past (which, i believe, he could not get in any kind of legal trouble for). of the 6 players present at this session, mcguire was the only person who refused to answer if the use of performance-enhancing drugs should be considered cheating. he wants to be a spokesperson, but refuses to admit his past mistakes (which is already public-knowledge) or even admit that this is cheating

one angle i never thought of before is that major league baseball is in charge of it's own performance-enhancing drug policy. MLB is a business, so by definition it exists to make money. i assume that the regular users of steriods make baseball alot of money, so why would the MLB have a strict policy and, most importantly, enforce that policy? as was discussed by this congressional panel, there definitely needs to be an outside organization in charge of the drug policies in professional athletics, much like the way the olympic drug policy is governed.

four of the six players being interviewed said they have never used steriods, but i want to note my respect for jose canseco in admitting that he used steriods in the past and was willing to discuss this openly. mcguire, the only retired player (which, i believe makes his exempt from punishment), would not discuss this at all.

I cannot take this anymore
Saying everything I’ve said before
All these words, they make no sence
I found bliss in ignorance
Less I hear, the less you say
You’ll find that out anyway
I find the answers aren’t so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts, they make no sence
I found bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Just like before

Everything you say to me
And I’m about to break
I need a little room to breathe
And I’m about to break

  --Linkin Park, 1stp Klosr

tidbits

to the yahoo who drew red hearts on a bunch of car windows the other night, you better not touch my car again!

i was awakened by gusts of wind yesterday morning. for a moment, i thought i was back in kansas or nebraska because it's not a rarity for this to happen there. except for the wind, i really miss the weather in those states. they actually have winter! and four seasons too!

up to this point, i've been careful not to bash letourneau or those who are on staff, but i've definitely had enough of the crap that goes on here. this place is really pissing me off.

lucky is the man. everyone that knows him was already aware of this fact, but i just wanted to reiterate it. he planned a few events for those of us unlucky enough to be around for spring break. three nights ago, we went to shreveport to eat at an international buffet and to do a photo scavenger hunt at a place most of us had never been to. i lost $10 because i was stupid, but i took a picture of a $1,000,000 wall. two nights ago, he took us to a state park about 20 miles away where we had a cookout.

i really miss my geo storm. my new car is great and all...but i really miss my elektra. driving just isn't as exciting in my saturn. i'm not sure if it's because the storm was my first car, if it's the car itself, or if there's some other reason...

ashley smith is an amazing woman. she was held hostage for 7 hours by brian nichols (the atlanta courthouse killer) and talked with him about god, his purpose in life, and his four murders before convincing him to let her go. here's the transcript of an interview with her...

i don't know if i want to watch the news anymore. on friday, there was the atlanta courthouse killings, which left a judge, a court reporter, a deputy, and a customs agent dead. on saturday seven people were murdered in a church before their killer shot himself. also on saturday, a 4-year-old shot his 2-year-old brother in the head in houston with his mother's handgun. (the 2-yr-old is still in critical condition.) on a more entertaining note, i watched gary condit's son ream out hiraldo rivera sunday night on foxnews. he's apparently still mad at the world for reporting that his father may have had a hand in the murder of chandra levy.

i almost forgot to put laundry detergent in my wash today (for the second time). then when i opened up the 2nd load, all the detergent was sitting on top of the soaking wet clothes...

i have a large amount of respect for tank. she puts up with incredibly annoying girls on her g1 intramural teams. there were two that got on everyone's nerves when we played them in football game and there was one outragiously dirty player on her basketball team. in football, the two annoyances whined the whole game and most of the team flirted with the refs, saying crap like "c'mon, it's vaaaalentine's day...and we're wearing red! you could reverse that call for us." it didn't help that they didn't know the rules. in basketball, g1's point guard dribbled the ball up to her shoulder and had words for anyone who tried to steal it after slapping whichever defender was unfortunate enough to be guarding her at the time. she played incredibly dirty, but whined anytime one of us touched her. once, i was so frustrated with her that i commented on her slapping me as i shot and she responded with, "the ref didn't call it, did he?" i guess she didn't notice that they weren't calling anything, which definitely doesn't excuse her reckless play. near the end of the game, we held the ball around the perimeter waiting for time to run out. g1 was trying to convince its girls to foul us. this little shit ran up to one of our guards and plowed into her, knocking her down. as she walked off, she commented, "there, i fouled her." as a rule, intramural ref's don't call near everything, but this does not excuse players not to go by the rules at all. i will admit that i didn't play entirely clean in the g1 basketball game. i played this girl rougher that the rules permit once she started beating up our girls and i liberally responded to her tauntings. i try really hard to play clean, yet agressive and i failed at this during this game. anyways...back to tank. she is a really good athlete who plays on many of the schools varsity teams. during these intramural games, she led by example and kept her mouth shut. she didn't let dirty play frustrate her and she didn't lower herself down to her teammate's standards. she quietly played her clean, aggresive game. kudos to you, tank!

i'm getting really tired of my body waking up between 6.00 and 6.30 every morning. it doesn't matter if i go to bed at 1.00 or 4.00...it still happens. grrrrrr!!

ok, i retract some of that last post about grandpa. i don't know how much yet, but i do know that i was deceived. :-\

my grandpa is the coolest. he is full of life, and has become especially so after he retired. he still skis every year (and now gets free lift tickets for being over 70) and has a bunch of fascinating hobbies. but recently i was shown how much he really cares. now i realize that he would do anything for me. i wish i had the words to express how much he means to me. hopefully i'll soon be able to talk more about the circumstances that surrounded this increased understanding of him, but i can't yet...