i think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
    --oscar wilde

ok, this is me venting...and just so you know, it won't be one bit cheerful. here i go...

i'm really stinking tired of school. i just want to stay at work - all the freaking time. it's not that things aren't stressful there, but i definitely stay busy enough that i don't have a chance to think about non-work stuff (other than random questions about how school is going, of which my "fine" is an acceptable answer). my boss is getting burnt out because of all the extra hours he has to work now, i wish i could be there to help him out more. my passion is definitely there and i could help him out if only i weren't still in school...

i feel like an absolute idiot in 2 of my classes and sometimes in another one too (but that one's different because it's a liberal arts class - it doesn't matter if i understand it because future classes don't depend on the knowledge i should be learning). digital makes up for some of it. i don't feel like an idiot in there at all - to the point that i'm bored to death, but i'm sure i'll feel like an idiot in there soon enough. don't get me wrong...i know i'm not stupid, but it just feels like everyone else in my classes are a few steps up intelligence-wise. so please don't comment to this by saying, "but zippy, you're smart!" like in so many other things (esp spiritual ones), i know this in my head, but my heart is having trouble grasping it. i just don't feel one bit intelligent right now...

i need a summer break - no work, no classes, maybe even no people (i'm not quite sure about that one though). i know - i did it to myself, so don't even start with "i told you that you should've taken time off from work"...i've heard that enough and yes, those of you who said it, i knew you were right all along. anyways...i'm realizing now more than ever that i have so many issues i need to work out in my life. i feel like God's putting them all in front of me and letting me know that i must deal with them before i can grow at all...in any way. i need some time to figure some of it out without having a mound of homework demanding my attention. i know...i had all summer to do this - i was bored to death most evenings, but i just didn't realize how much was there to deal with. if i'd have known, i would've spent more time on it this summer. honest.

ok...end of long schpeal (i know that's not spelled right...but the online dictionaries aren't helping me). time to continue my homework... :-\