please don't be fake!

today i had a gross reminder at how fake some people can be. the first encounter i had with this person was before church. she was yelling at her roommate to wake up. a bit later i saw her at church, with the same fake smile she wears whenever she's in a public place. right after church, she cussed at her roommate. then at lunch, only minutes later, she was wearing that smile again.

it really bothered me how this person could go from a worship experience to cussing at someone close to her within 10 or 15 minutes. i may have mood swings once in awhile, but i earnestly pray that i don't switch faces this fast. for sure not twice in a row...

on a brighter note...i have some quotes! :)

~from the bulletin this morning: "brent and kathy are the benefits of the rain as well as the ethiopians." (that must be some amazing rain!)
~"they're just playing a big game of cs [counter strike (a computer game)] in iraq. i don't see what's the big deal." -abu
~"Finger to spiritual emptiness underlying everything." -how a C manual referred to a "Pointer to void"

a little prayer really does have a huge impact!

over spring break my host family's church had some special services and this was told there. it is a true story about one of the guys that chuck coleson mentored. he's pretty famous now, but i forget his name. note: i hope i can do justice to this story - usually i can't verbally repeat a story too well, much less write it out.

there was a man named bob who decided to pray for a random country and see what would happen (i think it was somehow because of a bet, but it's been a few weeks since i heard the story, so i'm not sure anymore). he picked kenya to pray for. for a few months, he diligently prayed for this country. one day he went out for pizza with some business people and one of them was talking about an orphanage in, you guess it, kenya and how they needed another person to help them out. this individual "randomly" asked bob if that was something he would be interested in doing. he agreed to go. bob helped out for awhile and then returned to the states. awhile later he was asked to go again to the orphanage.

the president of kenya had heard about this man who had been praying for the country and wanted to meet him. bob agreed and the president took him around to show him some of the sites. they drove by a prison where many americans were being held as political prisoners. bob off-handedly said, "you really should release those people." the president smoothly went on explaining about the country after this comment. aside from his "regular" prayers for kenya, bob started specifically asking God that these individuals would be allowed to come home.

when bob returned to the states again, he got a call from a governmental department (i'm not sure which one handles these type of things) explaining that the american prisoners held in kenya had been released. when asked why the president had let these people go, he said that a guy named bob had convinced him to. this department asked what he had told the president and bob repeated it to them. the person on the other line couldn't believe it. they said the US had been working really hard to get these prisoners released for the last 2 years and hadn't made any progress.

a few months (or maybe years) later, bob received a call from a person who worked for the american president at the time (i believe it was george bush, but again, i don't remember). this president had heard about the amazing things that happened because of bob's prayers and wanted his assistance as an advisor. so bob, who had no government experience whatsoever, became someone the president consulted about big decisions.

with a little prayer, bob helped out an orphanage, convinced a president to release prisoners, and became an advisor to the US president! amazing stuff!!

the moral of the story (said the speaker) is that God will grant us what we pray for as long as it's in His Name. so whenever you feel like your prayers aren't being answered, just remember the amazing things that were accomplished through bob's prayers.

these quotes brought to you by profQuotes (i found the link on ardith's blog):

"I believe Bill Gates once proudly stated they do not use a programming metholodgy at Microsoft ... and it shows."
~Professor Larry Paulson, Software Engineering II, Cambridge University, Cambridge, UK

"As everyon knows, the faculty's main objective is to keep everyone pissed off."
~Professor Craig Chase, Programming in C, University of Texas, Austin, TX

"Ninety percent of everything is crap!"
~Doug Rogers, COM 260/460 - Film Genre: Teen Films, Eastern Kentucky University, Richmond, Kentucky (discussing modern cinema the first day of class.)

Professor writes on board: "The limit as GPA approaches zero, is CompSci = Business Major. If you understand this, you should stay here. If you don't, you should go, and sign up for some business classes."
~Calculus 102, Lowell University, Lowell, MA

"A young man of so much potential; it's like all voltage and no current."
~Donald R. Sadoway, 3.091 - Introduction to Solid-State Chemistry, MIT, Cambridge, MA

"A mind is like a parachute: it only works when it's open. As for how much time you'll be expected to devote to this course, I can only give you this experience whilch worked well for me when I was a student: 'you only have to think about this course on those days you eat.'"
~Professor George Levesque, History of American Slavery, SUNY/Albany, Albany, NY (responses to student questions as we looked over the 15 page syllabus for the course)

"This isn't the right answer, but I'm sure I just missed a sign change somewhere. You can figure it out when you go over your notes."
~Communications Theory, Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana (Professor's comment after spending 45 minutes covering two big whiteboards with a detailed derivation. And it happened several times.)

"Untyped languages such as Lisp make it hard to achieve reliability. Assembly language makes it hard to achieve anything."
~Professor Larry Paulson, Software Engineering II, Cambridge University, Cambridge, UK

an observation

many americans show off bumper stickers, t-shirts, and anything else that is available to buy that says something to the affect of "God bless america." we thank God for our successes in wars and the power of our military. but would we still be so thankful if we lost a battle or, heaven forbid, a war? are we so prideful about the success of our country that we forget it might not always be His will that we succeed at everything we do militarily? i recently read a quote on a google employee's blog that asked What happens if God blesses Iraq? it made me wonder whether it would be acceptable to us if God decided to "take iraq's side" on this one. don't get me wrong, i want the US to succeed (tho i think we could do it without fighting), but sometimes i think we get too wrapped up in ourselves that we forget God might want to bless other countries at our expense.

michael w. smith - i know your name

"....
all alone, you tears call out into the night
is He there?
does He care?

yes I know your name
every prayer you pray
I'm the One who brought you to this place
the Voice who sings to you
the Hand that clings to you
o My child, I've always known your name
known your name...

I hold you close to Me, close to heart
and this kind of love will find you anywhere you are
never fear, I am here"

today i made a rather large decision that directly affected at least six people besides myself. i prayed alot about it and sought the advice of many. i frequently get a direct, specific answer from God, which didn't happen this time. but He definitely led me to the right people to discuss this with and He undeniably spoke through each of them (even though they seemed to give opposing advice at the time). i was baffled by the patience of those who depended on what i chose. those that were hoping i would have decided the other option were amazingly understanding. they seemed to know it was God's will and even complimented me on how i dealt with it. as a by-product of this decision, i gained still more Godly friends to seek advice from.

i realized how stressful this time of year is: roommates/apt-mates to choose for next year, summer plans to finalize (or in my case, to begin thinking about), classes to catch up in, and projects to finish. besides all of that, most of us students know some good friends who are graduating. i want to spend as much time with these individuals (and all of my friends for that matter) as possible, because i might not see them again in this life. trying to balance all of this has been really stressing me out. but as i heard the song quoted above tonight, i received a much-needed reminder that God is always there, listening to every prayer and holding us close.

the debate over where is raed?

after looking around a bit, i realized that this iraqi blogger i mentioned yesterday has caused quite a commotion. i assumed shem just happened to come across it, but instead i found that it has been referenced in many articles and tons of blogs. there is a huge debate on whether this person is actually in baghdad or if it's some nut trying to get a reaction from people. this guy has apparantly received tons of emails asking his identity and many have tried to trace his ip address. one side of the debate agrues that it doesn't matter if he's authentic or not because he encourages us to think about the situation in the middle east from a different angle. i would have to agree with this. i don't care if it's totally fiction. it has really made me think and i'm grateful for that. blog on, salam!!

for a bit of comic relief

i got this quote from a random blog i came across:

"You know the world is going insane when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, The Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war."

"no war in iraq!!"

at the suggestion of shem, i checked out the blog of an iraqi citizen, as well as some of the anti-war links on his page. i've always been against war, but had never heard from those that the US bombs. something that jumped out at me on his page was this quote: "the West won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact, non-Westerners never do." by samuel p. huntington. i had never thought of it quite that way... all of this definitely strengthened the pacifism within me! :)

learning to breathe - switchfoot

hello, good morning, how ya do
what makes your rising sun so new?

i could use a fresh beginning, too
all of my regrets are nothing new
so, this is a way that i say, "i need you"

i'm learning to breathe
i'm learning to crawl
i'm finding that You and You alone
can break my fall
i'm living again
awake and alive
i'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

hello, good morning, how ya do
yesterday left my head kicked in

i never, never thought that i would fall like that
never knew that i could hurt this bad

this is a way that i say, "i need You"
this is a way that i say, "i love You"
this is a way that i say, "i'm Yours"

today was horrible and i am not sure why.

there were even a few really good things that happened today. i got to do two hours of mindless work (and got paid for it too!) and then got a wonderful backrub. in the evening i was studying in the apts and had the chance to talk to a friend i don't see very much. she was telling me about her mission trip - the friends she made, the stuff she did, and then about how she really struggled with her pride while there. i know that most people struggle with this, but i would never have thought she was one of them. interestingly enough, i dealt with alot of pride issues while on my mission trip. i am not saying that i am glad she struggled with this, but it was nice to hear that i am not alone.

then i talked to some more people i hadn't seen much of lately. i felt like the conversation should have been refreshing and reassuring because of what was discussed. but i left feeling mad at the world and not knowing why. right now, i'd rather be back at hcjb, frustrating as it was (there might be more on that later - we'll see). it was fun and all, but wasn't restful in any way. maybe it's that i don't feel like i had a break. or maybe it's that everyone else came back with so many stories about how God had worked in their lives and those around them. i heard alot about how God was working around the world while at hcjb, but didn't directly see anything (though perhaps my eyes werent focused on the right things).

maybe things will seem totally different after some sleep. night all.

a quick recap of my week

saturday: arrived in elkhart, in, at 4ish, ate as a group at the home of one of the host families, hung out with my host family

sunday: went to church with my host family, relaxed the rest of the day

monday: started working at hcjb (my project for the week was to update a program that retrieved statistics from a satelite receiver about the status of the uplink with the satelite), toured newmar corp (an RV factory), and ate as a group at the home of a hcjb employee

tuesday: worked, went to church with my host family (they had a guest speaker there all week)

wednesday: worked, had a meal and Bible study at another hcjb employee's home

thursday: worked, hung out with my host family

friday: worked, visited the amish hoosier buggy shop, toured menno-hof, ate at an amish home, and spent time with my host family

saturday: ate breakfast at peddlers village, drove back to LU


it was a wonderful trip!! there's much more to come about the week!!

i am leaving for the week to indiana in about 1/2 hr and i probably won't post until i return. i hope you all have a fabulous week! :-d

O Lord -

thank you for all the people You have put in my life this semester. i am not sure where i have found the time, but You've given me the opportunity to get to know so many people who have been a phenominal encouragement to me. You have had them share things You've been doing in their lives while i barely know them. they practically just walk up to me and start talking about it! they have lovingly exposed alot to me about what's been happening in my life and have even prepared me for what i will eventually experience. You have used so many people to reveal Yourself to me. even tho i haven't been especially attentive to listening to Your voice directly, You have been constantly speaking to me thru these individuals. thank You soooo much for that!!

i humbly ask that you bless them in all that they do and that You continue to have them speak Your words to me and anyone else who has the ears to hear. and may i be open to speak Your words if that is what you have for me.

in Your name i humbly pray,
amen

2 days until i see snow!!!!!!

random thoughts

the final hit count for 3/5 was 742! i wish i understood how so many people found my site all at once...

anyways, i realized that my counter isn't working correctly yet. it still doesn't register anyone from on-campus. it looks like IT (not the division that i work in :) ) changed how ip addresses are seen, so that might have made a difference... after work today i looked thru a bunch of new blogs (everyone's that commented on my entry of 1.23) and stumbled upon a counter that offers much more than gostats. never mind...i just checked it out and this company has to be hosting my site. i'm sure there's another good one out there...it's just a matter of typing it into google. :)

a few days ago i looked at some trillian skins. i experimented with a whole bunch of them before falling in love with solaris. the red took a little getting used to and the sounds still surprise me every once in a while, but it's a nice change from the default skin that i've used for about a year. the print is much smaller and it's also less mac-looking! :) if you use more than one chat client, you need to check out trillian! it gives each of the clients more options and some really great emotions. for example, there's one looks like a laughing smiley-face and it actually giggles! many of them make noises. i especially like the feature it adds to aim that lets me chat while being away. other than that, i don't remember the benefits because i haven't used anything but trillian for over a year.

unbelievable...

well, i think my counter works fine now... it appears that my blog was on the most recently updated blogs on blogger.com for a really long time. so far today, i've had 722 hits (as of immediately, that is) and virtually all of them came from there. this doesn't explain why i keep receiving hits from them every few minutes tho. i don't quite understand how people are still being sent from there. last night i was messing with my settings and activated the "block counter from your pc" option. i thought gostats was having problems again because i refreshed a few times and the counter increased by 2, 6, 3, and 4 times (i was refreshing as soon as it finished loading). so i guess the moral of the story is to ping that you've updated your site at 1.11 am and 1.23 am. :)

today i realized that it's much easier to stay awake in classes when i sleep a decent amt at night. :) this caused me to realize once again that it doesn't pay to go to my 8.00 class because the lecture won't help me on tests, programs, or homework. so on thursday i'm planning to resume my naps during this class. my mwf classes actually have some content in them, so i'm going to test out this new theory of mine and go to bed...g'night all.

grrr...my counter hasn't worked consistently since saturday. the last 15 recorded hits were from off-campus. even if no one from on-campus has looked at it since then, it should have at least counted my hits... enation has also been having troubles. i know these things are free for users, but this is getting rediculous...

quotes!!

~becky: my brain has been defragging all day...it's acting like my old 11 gig hard drive
~zippy: why hasn't it finished yet?
~becky: because it's...wait, my brain doesn't have more capacity...

the quote of the day:
~quit worrying about your health. it'll go away. -robert orben

~some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

~we do not stop playing because we get old - we get old because we stop playing.

~the early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

~winter is nature's way of saying 'up yours' --robert byrne

~life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.



i found a few good ones on paul grahm's site:

~"programs must be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute."
- abelson & sussman, SICP, preface to the first edition

~"dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. work hard to improve."
- alan perlis

~"don't worry about what anybody else is going to do. the best way to predict the future is to invent it."
- alan kay

~"i object to doing things that computers can do."
- olin shivers

in one week...

in one week, i'll have gotten alot of hw done (hopefully anyways :) ). i'll have driven a 15-passenger van a few hundred miles with a group of guys sleeping in the back. i'll have gotten to know my hcjb teammates really well from our 18-hr van ride. i'll have settled in with my host parents and gotten to know them a bit. i'll have had at least 3 excellent homemade meals (and will have gained a few pounds in the process). i won't be worrying about how much i have to get done for class the next day. i might be watching a movie, playing cards, or talking to my host parents. we will be laughing. we will be enjoying the company of each other even tho we've barely met. we might even be in bed and it's before midnight - what a concept!

jan 20 and beyond

on jan 20 (mlk day), something happened to me... there were some health issues i had been dealing with for about 4 months. it was a temporary problem that was lasting longer than usual, so i had a test on jan 17 (the friday before) to see if i had any permanent damage. it was one of those tests that i had to be completely cleaned out for - not the most fun experience by any means. the nurses told me as i left that the results looked good, unofficially of course. on jan 20, i ate my 1st meal of substance for 5 days and i felt great! i barely stopped eating at all that day (and for a few days after that - thankfully i had lost weight during these 4 months, so i was just regaining some of it back). everything tasted so good! i felt better physically than i ever remember feeling! that day, God started showing me many things and i has high on Him as i had never been before. this lasted for about 2 weeks. (He also performed some miracles on me physically.) He was teaching me many things that i wanted to share with all my friends and others too, but there just wasn't enough time. (this is one of the reasons i started blogging.)

usually these types of highs happen to a person because they've been spending alot of time with God or were somehow spiritually impacted by an event around them. but the only thing that happened in the days leading up to jan 20 was the fact that i felt amazing physically. this really bothered me for awhile. don't get me wrong - i was really thankful for it. it's just that i want to be high on God because i've spent alot of time with Him or finally gave Him a part of my life that was stressing me out. i didn't want it to be because of something that happened to my physical body. i wanted my spiritual "actions" to influence my relationship with God. i wanted it to be because i was so immersed in Him, that my life couldn't help but change. this sounds awfully conceited now that i put it into written word, but in the days preceeding this i hadn't spent much time with God at all. so why would He pick a time like this to bless me in this way?

one night i was talking to someone about how much this bothered me and she thought it made perfect sense. she reminded me that our spirituality is comprised of our whole being - soul, spirit, mind, and body. i guess God "took advantage" of me feeling good spiritually and opened my eyes to some things because of it. it still bothers me a bit when i think about it, but my understanding is increasing in that it's really all about God. if He knows that we'll listen to what He has to say, He'll reveal Himself. He takes every opportunity He can to teach us, especially when we're open to it.

still more bloggers!!

i'm really excited to hear what ardith and anna have to share!!